Being raised as liberated women, we are taught that we can do anything that a man can do, and more. And it’s true, we can. However, I think that this way of thinking, while empowering, is also very harmful. We are taught that we don’t need men. Men are the enemy. Everything they do is wrong, selfish, or not good enough. “He did the dishes, but he didn’t clean the rest of the kitchen.” “He swept the floor, but didn’t move the chairs to get under them.” “If he really cared, he would do a better job” (i.e.: my way). It can get to the point where we really feel like they are just in the way. The problem with this is that we also really like men. They look good in jeans, can be romantic, and make us feel amazing! So, we have this internal conflict of weather we really like or really hate men. We commit (with much excitement) to spend our lives with them, then get together as women and complain about them. It is a great way to bond with other women, and justify how we are right. I don't want to do this anymore.
As women it is our core feminine nature to just “be”. Not to constantly accomplish and strive for perfection. Now, I know that of course we have to have goals and we have responsibilities, but how much do we expand and complicate those responsibilities? When we can’t accomplish everything we would like, we are unhappy, and we usually blame it on our men for not helping us get everything done that we would like. Well guess what I finally figured out? Men are attracted to happiness, not perfect homes, or perfect appearances, or perfect resumes. The sexiest thing that we can wear is a smile.
All men really want is to make us happy. Most women (me included) have so many outrageous expectations of our men that we don't see how hard they try to make us happy. Then we wonder why some men start to loose interest. We say things like "You don't look at me like you used to" or "You’re not the same man you were when we were dating" If you think about it, they are the same. We have changed. We were just a lot easier to please back then. When we were dating just a phone call could make us gitty all day. Over time we start focus on everything that they aren't doing and spend too much time complaining and nagging. How would we feel if all our girlfriends pointed out all our faults and basically said “nothing you do is good enough”? We would get a new friend. We are always told to count our blessings and it’s so easy to miss the true meaning of that statement, which I believe is to learn to be content, even happy, with things just as they are, because if you really think about it, for most of us, things are pretty dang good.
I have been pretty awful at times to my sweet husband and I’m committing myself stop focusing on things that really aren’t important and to relax and just “be”. It’s going to be difficult because I have been a perfectionist for 25 years, but it’s exhausting and I’m tired of it. Jerry deserves better and I want to be better. His being gone has really made me realize how wonderful he is and how I really take for granted everything he does.
